Technology and Relationships

How much of your day is spent looking at some sort of screen? Computer, television, smart phone, tablet, repeat (in any order).

I cannot for a second claim that the schedule of my average day is not similarly organized. Technology and the use of technology have become so pervasive in our everyday lives that is it almost impossible to think about how we would go about our business without it.

I must point out that you are reading this on some sort of screen at the moment, in case you hadn’t already realized. Technology allows us to accomplish wonderful things, particularly with information and information sharing.

I would just like to point out some of the benefits of escaping the world of technology, a least for a few minutes a day. The world of technology, as wonderful as it is, can also be very crowded, noisy, distracting, and it can occasionally move at so rapid a pace as to cause (whether you recognize it or not) sensory overload.

Human beings were designed to be social creatures. We need to interact positively with those around us daily – our happiness literally depends on it. The relationships we have with others, including our families, should be our most prized possessions. Without them, we suffer. With destructive ones, we can suffer even more.

Taking a few minutes per day, to clear your schedule of distractions and to instead spend your time interacting with your family or friends, and building positive relationships, can bestow enormous blessings. These relationships can do for you things that technology will never be able to.

In employing my own advice, I have found this to be the case. I am happy to be able to use technology to accomplish things that just a few decades ago would have been considered impossible. I am even happier to have deep, meaningful relationships with my friends and my family.

It only takes a few minutes per day.

A note about Life and Work

I recently saw a film about an 85 year old Japanese man who is still gets up and goes to work every day. Not only that, he gets up every morning and is ecstatic to just to have the opportunity. He is happy to be alive.

His name is Jiro Ono and he is arguably the best Sushi chef in the world.

In one of the many candid moments depicted in the film, Jiro conveys his overarching philosophy on life, work, and happiness. He says that you must choose your path and then devote yourself to it; “you must fall in love with your work.”

Jiro cites that one of the reasons that so many people of younger generations have difficulty facing the challenges of real life is their fickle decision making. I would add that it may also be a lack of courage – the courage to make a decision and stick with it and even the courage to make a desicion in the first place. I should know. I am speaking from experience.

I’m not sure that I could ever adequately discuss all of the reasons behind this drastic change in generational characteristics. I’m not sure I could pinpoint even half of the possible catalysts. I can however, attest to the validity in power in Jiro’s statement.

“You must fall in love with your work.”

I have read business books, sales books, self-help books, finance books, and all sorts of other books to try and make some sense of the larger world that I am now officially a part of as an adult (I’m not sure when I truly crossed the line into adulthood but I am guessing 24 may be too old to hold on to “young adult” status). They are all valuable in their own way and although a large portion of that material may have been lost due to an inadequate memory, the stuff that stuck, when applied, has helped me tremendously.

Jiro’s statement may be more powerful than any of the ones I have read from any of these books. I also think it it is an invaluable principle to live by and that anyone who has ever worked, or who will ever need to, will benefit from its message.

Our world is a complicated one. Within just the last 200 years, mankind has evolved. The way that we live and work has changed more (and and at a faster rate) in this period than any other time in history. Technology continues to play a pivitol role in these changes and will do so indefinitely. Occassionally feeling lost in the chaos seems to be a normal occurence. It can certainly be overwhelming. All the more reason to choose your path and fall in love with your work.

Think  about the possibilities – wouldn’t the world be a happier place if everyone were happy with themselves and happy to be alive? What if only 50% were happier? I wouldn’t complain.

Are you in love with your work? Are you dedicated to the path you have chosen? If your answer isn’t yes, I urge to do anything necessary to make it so, and quickly.

While you are at it, watch the film “Jiro Dreams of Sushi.”

Be Yourself

Be yourself.

It sounds so simple, but in my estimation it is sort of like riding a bike. You see people doing it and it appears so easy. Turns out, at least when you are first learning, it isn’t. Then comes the AH-HA moment; that wonderful moment in time when you finally “get it.”

Turns out, being yourself is not just a good idea. Turns out that being yourself is essential. Turns out that being yourself may in fact be the key to happiness (in my opinion, it is). How do I know this? I spent a long time being who I thought I should be and not necessarily who I wanted to be. Luckily, the two versions of myself are not all that different. I don’t have an angel on one shoulder and a pitchfork weilding devil on the other. The two versions however were divergent enough to have an effect on my personality and my ability to find happiness in virtually anything I engaged myself in.

Are you acting like the person who you truly are? All the time? Be honest.

Why in the world do we do this? Is it the outside pressure of the world at large? Is it a lack of confidence? Is is worry – worry about your job, your family, money?

These problems can all simply melt away.

When you are yourself you can say and do the things that make you truly happy. When you are yourself the anxiety of neurotically obsessiving over things that don’t matter (what people think of you, what you should look and act like, what car you should drive, what activities you should enjoy) disappears. When you are yourself, the only person that determines your happiness is you.

The ability to find happiness in this life is not something you have to earn. This is a God-given right. Nothing, not anyone or anything, can take this away from you. We live in a world with a seemingly infinite amount of attention grabbing distractions and outside pressures. The world is noisy and it is getting louder everyday. Attmpting to conform to every social norm, current fashion, stereotype, and everyone else’s opinion is not only exhasuting – it is ludacris. It is impossible.

Make yourself happy first. Everyone around you will be happier because of it.

I read an article a while back that discussed the differences between the way negative and positive feelings spread from one person to another. Although I cannot recall all of the specifics, I do remember the most significant finding of the study that was conducted. A negative feeling, displayed with either a negative attitude, a complaint, or a frown, would spread to a handful of people through a chain of personal interaction. A positive feeling on the other hand, seemed to spread like wild fire reaching as many as five times the number of people. Are you convinced yet? I am.

Be yourself.

It’s not my job to give favors

Realization of the day:

Every time some one does you a favor, you should thank them. Even if in your mind, it is their job to do such favors, thank them anyway. They have given you a service or some type of assistance haven’t they?

 It helped you out. You averted a sticky situation. You treaded murky waters and came out clean. Isn’t that worth some appreciation?

It occurred to me today that, many times, people take for granted what they perceive to be other people’s responsibilities. How would you feel (or how do you feel) when people do not appreciate your efforts, even when those efforts are directly a part of your profession? Yes, it is your job, but it helps somebody out doesn’t it? I’m fairly certain that if no one benefited from the service you offered, that the profession you’ve chosen would most likely not even exist.

Some where, some how, some one is reaping the rewards of your services. Wouldn’t you like to be appreciated?

If you have ever read (or listened) Earl Nightingale, then you may have heard him discuss the number of personal servants that each of us, on a daily basis would use, if enjoying the same living standards we do now and such modern-day amenities such as electricity, running water, electric stoves, cars, televisions, and water heaters didn’t exist. Two hundred. That’s the number. Two hundred.

It is easy to forget the level of comfort and ease of living we experience compared to so many of our forefathers.

Granted, we do not have to thank these imaginary servants. Technology has taken their place. But don’t forget those who do assist you day in and day out.

Thank them.

I’ll donate! Or buy.

The length to which some people will go in order to sell a product is astonishing.

 

Having studied the psychology behind sales, I am aware of the benefit of making associations – product placement in movies and television shows, joint marketing efforts between the makers of complimentary products, etc. Associations can be enormously beneficial.

 

Where I have trouble in agreeing to their benefit however, is in the employment of associations which contain a seemingly charitable or honorable mission on one hand, and a product on the other.

 

Since when did “cancer” become a useful buzz word ?

 

If you want to make a statement, or issue a call to arms for the benefit of an important issue, then do so. Don’t try to sell me a product at the same time. I don’t want it. If I am truly interested in contributing either my time or my money, or even both, then I will. If I should happen to have some vested interest, then my interest will influence my decisions.

 

Your product may be wonderful. It may have even assisted those involved in the mission or charity. Unless you are proposing that I purchase more of the product, so as to increase the benefit to those in need or those carrying out the orders on the front lines of the mission, save your effort.

 

A cancer patient benefitted from the use of an iPad. That’s wonderful. Where can I make a donation?

 

No answer there. Only more attention paid to the device.

 

If you have made this association, in order to influence my opinion of the iPads productivity benefits, then you have made an utterly despicable choice.

 

Although I guess I must thank you for the wisdom. I will no longer have confidence in any company, having a similar attitude. I will have no confidence in such foolish arrogance.

 

I believe in people with honorable intentions. I believe in character.  I believe in companies which value these qualities in their employees and in their cultures.

 

I also believe in goodness.

 

Goodness always humbles pride. Always.

 

I hope your intentions are good because not only is goodness always traveling, always influencing worldly direction, but goodness always prevails.

[Not So]Social Networking

Friends, family, acquaintances, individuals whom I am not too sure that I even know… I have decided after much deliberation, to permanently leave the often misguided, deliberately exploited, and on occasion, emotionally destructive conflagration that is “facebook.”

This decision has weighed on my mind for several months now and it is not one which I was easily able to make, due mostly to the fact that, generally speaking, as the most popular form of social networking, facebook can be utilized for many distinct and beneficial purposes – namely, keeping in touch with those who matter most to us. I realize that, moving forward, it will be slightly more challenging to continue this endeavor. It is a challenge I am willing to take precisely because it is, in fact, more of a challenge. I believe that the ease of communication, which social networking has both adopted and streamlined, and which modern technology now allows, is both a boon, and when misused (as it is in many cases), an inherently destructive device. Let me explain.

Social Networking takes advantage of human emotion and instinct – it also neglects the accountability of in-person interaction.

When I sign in to facebook (generally several times per day) I usually embark on a standard ritual: check my newsfeed, click on a few of the “stories” which catch my interest, see if anyone has messaged me or commented on one of my posts – if they have I’ll decide whether to return the message then or wait until I feel more obliged, if they haven’t, I log off.

Oh wait, did I forget to mention my habit of making comparative judgments?

I realize this is childish and frankly somewhat despicable, but inexplicably, I cannot seem to stop. Why is it that when I browse the recent posts that appear on my newsfeed, I always find myself engaged in the practice of comparing myself and my accomplishments to those of others? Positive or negative – it doesn’t matter. I still do it and either way, it serves no purpose.

The reality is that the only person capable of correctly judging and interpreting the successfulness of any individual is well, the individual themselves. For the majority of my friends (facebook acquaintances) I can affirmatively say that I have had very little involvement in their lives recently and have almost no knowledge of their myriad experiences in the recent past – experiences that only they themselves have a right to retroactively weigh upon and come to decisions or make inferences about. Only they can determine, based solely upon their knowledge, individual strengths and weaknesses, and the surrounding circumstances, whether or not they have been successful. The same goes for members of any sports team, politicians, public figures, or even distant relatives.

I believe that it is a part of our nature to judge the actions of others and to form opinions of them. I also believe that the lack of personal accountability we face when making these judgments, and especially when making our inferred opinions available to anyone when posting them, is at the heart of the problems with social networking.

Would you say those things or think those thoughts if you were in front of the person you are saying/writing/thinking about? I believe you wouldn’t.

I formally apologize to those towards whom I have been guilty of committing this misfortune.

Can you really have 500 friends? How about 5,000?

I currently have a little over 500 friends on facebook. I know a few of them well. I know very little about the majority of them. I’m not even sure who a few of them are. How can I possibly call these people my friends?

At one point in my life, I was under the impression that the more friends you had, or even followers for that matter, the more powerful or successful or popular you were. I guess that is still true to some extent. After all, lots of people know who Kim Kardashian and Kayne West are – hence the extensive list of friends and followers. But what really determines success or power (or even popularity)? I argue that you do – you and those who are involved in your life. You are the only one who can determine success. Those whom you interact with frequently are the only ones who can account for your level of popularity or relative power.

For me, success means reading daily and continuing my education. It means staying active and healthy. It means being a positive, influential member of my community and being viewed as a mentor and leader by those around me. It means being the best husband and partner I can be. It doesn’t mean being in a blockbuster movie. It doesn’t mean winning the super bowl or staring in a new reality TV show. It doesn’t mean becoming a billionaire or driving a Bentley. My friends know these things about me.

Does friend number 423 know my goals or anything about me? Does friend 852 know yours?

You didn’t play the game so stop acting like you did.

This problem usually shows itself in the form of unsolicited tweets or status updates which offer a biased and generally under-informed opinion to those which already exist – namely the opinions of those involved.

Who better to give an opinion about something than the player who made that pass or the politician who was asked that question on live television?

Of course I realize that for active, intelligent discussion between individuals who are generally interested in a particular topic or event, social networking may be the easiest and quickest method of choice. However, how often does this occur? An understanding of reality will tell you that the people with whom you are most interested in conversing, your close friends, family, and colleagues, are readily available for discussion in person or even over the phone – methods that allow for the consideration of body language and vocal inflection, both of which are equally important to effectively delivered and correctly received communication. And how well do you even know the person you have been engaging in this heated debate with? Something tells me that if you have chosen to philosophize and contemplate the meaning of existence, making your points known with tweets or comments, you may not be leaving much in the way of a lasting impact. Besides, isn’t it a little more difficult to find instances of these types of conversations on the most popular social networking sites than it is to find ignorant rants, raves, and comments with virtually no validation or accompanying evidence of their respective subjects?

“My word is my bond… or wait, is it?”

I mentioned earlier that social networking and the ease of communication which it facilitates can be an enormous blessing – it certainly can, but (in my opinion) only when the communication is useful.

Consider those with the largest followings or readership. Many of them disseminate pointless information or observations which serve no real purpose – tweets that describe their difficult journey thru airport security or posts which describe their frustrating experience sitting in traffic. This is fine for those with the time or desire to waste valuable seconds and minutes of their lives engaged in a useless activity.

I guess I’m just not that interested.

The problem here is that due to the multitude of people who will either read this rubbish or be exposed to it in some way, the authors of these frivolities will never be able to make a genuine suggestion or a candid comment about something of real importance, let alone something controversial. Their constituents simply possess too large a variation in background and beliefs. How many times has a public figure or famous individual hastily commented on a widely publicized and critical event and to their chagrin, been immediately chastised for it? Even amongst my meager collection of a few hundred friends, I would hesitate to advertise my opinion of something that truly mattered to me. The reality is that without a face-to-face conversation, I cannot be sure that my message was received exactly as I intended it to be.

Too often, we choose to rely on this dubious method of communication for things of importance. Once upon a time, when someone said something, it was expected that that was the way it was – honesty was normal and liars had no respect. You were responsible for telling others about yourself and they were responsible for listening.

You can write or say whatever you desire when there is no hard copy and no evidence which cannot be erased and deleted and edited later. It’s as easy as changing your mind.

From now on, I’ll give my word and my opinions to those who ask for it. After all, my word IS my bond.

Verdict

I sincerely hope that my musings about the popular world of social websites has not offended you. It is my intention here only to explain my imminent and indefinite leave of absence from social networking (at least in the personal sense) and my reasons for it. As you can see, I find many aspects of “socializing” in a digital manner to be silently destructive. I also find it corrupt.

Why? It is precisely the intention of so many of the people involved in this world – those who created it – to exploit our natural tendencies towards gossip, forming uniformed opinions, and (in most cases) unjustifiably judging one another in order to make a profit. Beneath all of its complimentary language, and self-flattering descriptions, social networking is primarily popular because of this exploitation. All things considered, it owes its longevity to this as well.

I cannot say however, that this world is useless. As one of my good friends would say, social networking is amazing… when it has a purpose. Every day, millions of people utilize specialized social websites in order to openly and intelligently discuss matters of importance: politics, local ordinances, and philosophy, new product launches, zoning laws, education, religion and so much more. There are social websites dedicated to empowering the individual consumer with information to be able to select the best companies for selected services. Some will tell you where to find the best food or the closest gallery of local art. Heck, some will even match your dog with a potential playmate. Again, the frequenters of these social websites are usually acquaintances at best (and internet-based acquaintances at that) and in many cases their published opinions may easily be misinterpreted. But at least in these cases, on websites dedicated to specific purposes, the conversations are deliberate and the information contained within them is desirable – these websites have a direction.

All of these are valuable – they express the ingenuity of their both their creators and their users. How wonderful is it that we live in a time where communication has become so advanced that we may all be able to easily and readily take part in something that interests us and that fulfills us in any way we desire? I will happily be a part of this form of socializing, one with a purpose, for as long as it exists. As for the other, I have decided to abstain.

For my friends:

I will continue to work on my personal blog. You can find it here. Also, I will be dedicating it to the pursuit of intellectual progress, for both myself and for you.

No longer will I waste time meandering through a world that I am not truly a part of – one in which the activities and opinions of my “friends” give me insight into things which I have no real ability to affect.

I guess I could solve all of these problems by deleting all but only my closest friends, carefully monitoring my thoughts, and attempting to rationally interpret all of the comments and opinions I come across. But would doing these things really increase the quality of the communication I engage in with those closest to me? Would I really be networking?

I believe networking should be conducted for business reasons, for career reasons, for personal growth reasons. The term “social” should involve a handshake, a hug, a laugh or two, a face-to-face glance, and a conversation. Even the most popular websites (the ones I have just spent most of my energy antagonizing) like facebook and Twitter do allow and can be utilized for one, but not the other.

What do you believe?

Advertising: The Surreptitious Necessity

If I were interested in buying a picture frame, where would I look? Would I know where to go, or even where to begin the search?

The answer is of course yes. The abundance of internet ready and capable devices which are easily accessible to me is staggaring – embarking on a search for anything is as easy as coherently typing its accurate description into a search engine. But what first comes to mind, for instance, when the desired object is a hamburger or a remedy for daytime drowsiness? What about a refreshing beverage or vessel for effortless weight loss? A search engine would be just as useful in seeking more information about these things (where to buy, price, comparison of attributes, etc.)  but there is one major difference: necessity.

It can obviously be argued that a hamburger is necessary for its nutritional value – that is the nutrients it provides to its consumer in the form of calories, the absence of which would lead to eventual starvation and death. But what about a picture frame? Couldn’t the case for its necessity be just as easily made when considering the joy it brings to the observers of its contents? I do understand that the absence of one leads to death while the absence of the other leads to less frequently reflected upon memories, but the reality is that neither one of these things is truly essential to survival. Why is it then, that when we crave a hamburger we will more that likely already have an idea of what we are looking for, i.e. a destination at which we will be able to obtain one, before we even begin our search? Why would we type “McDonald’s” or “Wendy’s” rather than “hamburger” into a search engine and at the same time in many cases only be able to muster “picture frame” when looking for these objects? The answer is simple. The clandestine nature of advertisements for things which are unnecessary for the basic living requirements of their consumers but which at the same time have the potential to generate enormous profit. If a picture frame were just as widely desired as a hamburger or hair loss prevention, individuals would similarly most likely have a brand or destination in mind when beginning their search for one.

I do realize that in some cases the consumer does already have a brand or a store in mind when searching for  picture frame or that many times the crowd at any given fast food establishment will contain mainly hungry passers-by who were simply looking for a bite. But the overall trends still do exist and that is what I am exploring here – the pervasive tendency of advertising to spread awareness of that which we do not need. How often do you see a commercial or read a full-page ad in a magazine about carrots? About routine doctors visits or increasingly frequent cancer screenings as you age? Why do so many companies frantically advertise their products or services alongside a minutia of virtually useless (in at least a practical sense) and indistinguishable self-made commodities? Necessity, or lack thereof.

We now live in a world which has become so sophisticated – so developed (the “western” world that is) – that in order to sell a particular product, a company must incessantly bombard prospective buyers with advertisements as if said buyers had an insatiable appetite for new things. In so doing, have companies engendered such an appetite, or are they simply catering to one which already exists?

Even if the sheer volume and visibility of advertising (movies, television, magazines, social networking, search engines, billboards, buses, internet radio, etc.) were somehow bearable, their collective mendacity would still be bothersome.

Maybe one day we will once again be able to peacefully engage in general commerce without pressure, predetermined buying habits, brand messaging, and a fervent desire for the unessential.

For now, my ears will hurt.

The Plight of the Consumer

From “Babbitt“ ; a novel by Sinclair Lewis

“Just as he was an Elk, a Booster, and a member of the Chamber of Commerce, just as the priests of the Presbyterian Church determined his every religious belief and the senators who controlled the Republican Party decided in little smoky rooms in Washington what he should think about disarmament, tariff, and Germany, so did the large national advertisers fix the surface of his life, fix what he believed to be his individuality. These standard advertised wares – toothpastes, socks, tires, cameras, instantaneous hot-water heaters – were his symbols and proofs of excellence; at first the signs, then the substitutes, for joy and passion and wisdom.”

Interesting that even as in 1922, when “Babbitt” was first published, we still so adamantly fixate ourselves upon things which are of so little practicality and use. We rely on biased opinions from uninformed pundits to formulate our own ideas about the state of our government and our economy. We generalize and tailor our individual styles to match those of the offerings of giant clothing conglomerates and rationalize our similarities with celebrity endorsed catch phrases and tweets. We watch others suffer at the hands of popular media as they interfere with and brutilize the system of justice we once fought so steadfastly and diligently to obtain. Our symbols of status, and often times, literally of our self-worth are derived from nothing more than a collection of objects – material goods and artifacts – which we rigorously long for and immediately forget amidst the pile of useless gems once toted proudly and justified by popular advertising, that quietly disappear into the lonely void of consumerism.