Friends, family, acquaintances, individuals whom I am not too sure that I even know… I have decided after much deliberation, to permanently leave the often misguided, deliberately exploited, and on occasion, emotionally destructive conflagration that is “facebook.”
This decision has weighed on my mind for several months now and it is not one which I was easily able to make, due mostly to the fact that, generally speaking, as the most popular form of social networking, facebook can be utilized for many distinct and beneficial purposes – namely, keeping in touch with those who matter most to us. I realize that, moving forward, it will be slightly more challenging to continue this endeavor. It is a challenge I am willing to take precisely because it is, in fact, more of a challenge. I believe that the ease of communication, which social networking has both adopted and streamlined, and which modern technology now allows, is both a boon, and when misused (as it is in many cases), an inherently destructive device. Let me explain.
Social Networking takes advantage of human emotion and instinct – it also neglects the accountability of in-person interaction.
When I sign in to facebook (generally several times per day) I usually embark on a standard ritual: check my newsfeed, click on a few of the “stories” which catch my interest, see if anyone has messaged me or commented on one of my posts – if they have I’ll decide whether to return the message then or wait until I feel more obliged, if they haven’t, I log off.
Oh wait, did I forget to mention my habit of making comparative judgments?
I realize this is childish and frankly somewhat despicable, but inexplicably, I cannot seem to stop. Why is it that when I browse the recent posts that appear on my newsfeed, I always find myself engaged in the practice of comparing myself and my accomplishments to those of others? Positive or negative – it doesn’t matter. I still do it and either way, it serves no purpose.
The reality is that the only person capable of correctly judging and interpreting the successfulness of any individual is well, the individual themselves. For the majority of my friends (facebook acquaintances) I can affirmatively say that I have had very little involvement in their lives recently and have almost no knowledge of their myriad experiences in the recent past – experiences that only they themselves have a right to retroactively weigh upon and come to decisions or make inferences about. Only they can determine, based solely upon their knowledge, individual strengths and weaknesses, and the surrounding circumstances, whether or not they have been successful. The same goes for members of any sports team, politicians, public figures, or even distant relatives.
I believe that it is a part of our nature to judge the actions of others and to form opinions of them. I also believe that the lack of personal accountability we face when making these judgments, and especially when making our inferred opinions available to anyone when posting them, is at the heart of the problems with social networking.
Would you say those things or think those thoughts if you were in front of the person you are saying/writing/thinking about? I believe you wouldn’t.
I formally apologize to those towards whom I have been guilty of committing this misfortune.
Can you really have 500 friends? How about 5,000?
I currently have a little over 500 friends on facebook. I know a few of them well. I know very little about the majority of them. I’m not even sure who a few of them are. How can I possibly call these people my friends?
At one point in my life, I was under the impression that the more friends you had, or even followers for that matter, the more powerful or successful or popular you were. I guess that is still true to some extent. After all, lots of people know who Kim Kardashian and Kayne West are – hence the extensive list of friends and followers. But what really determines success or power (or even popularity)? I argue that you do – you and those who are involved in your life. You are the only one who can determine success. Those whom you interact with frequently are the only ones who can account for your level of popularity or relative power.
For me, success means reading daily and continuing my education. It means staying active and healthy. It means being a positive, influential member of my community and being viewed as a mentor and leader by those around me. It means being the best husband and partner I can be. It doesn’t mean being in a blockbuster movie. It doesn’t mean winning the super bowl or staring in a new reality TV show. It doesn’t mean becoming a billionaire or driving a Bentley. My friends know these things about me.
Does friend number 423 know my goals or anything about me? Does friend 852 know yours?
You didn’t play the game so stop acting like you did.
This problem usually shows itself in the form of unsolicited tweets or status updates which offer a biased and generally under-informed opinion to those which already exist – namely the opinions of those involved.
Who better to give an opinion about something than the player who made that pass or the politician who was asked that question on live television?
Of course I realize that for active, intelligent discussion between individuals who are generally interested in a particular topic or event, social networking may be the easiest and quickest method of choice. However, how often does this occur? An understanding of reality will tell you that the people with whom you are most interested in conversing, your close friends, family, and colleagues, are readily available for discussion in person or even over the phone – methods that allow for the consideration of body language and vocal inflection, both of which are equally important to effectively delivered and correctly received communication. And how well do you even know the person you have been engaging in this heated debate with? Something tells me that if you have chosen to philosophize and contemplate the meaning of existence, making your points known with tweets or comments, you may not be leaving much in the way of a lasting impact. Besides, isn’t it a little more difficult to find instances of these types of conversations on the most popular social networking sites than it is to find ignorant rants, raves, and comments with virtually no validation or accompanying evidence of their respective subjects?
“My word is my bond… or wait, is it?”
I mentioned earlier that social networking and the ease of communication which it facilitates can be an enormous blessing – it certainly can, but (in my opinion) only when the communication is useful.
Consider those with the largest followings or readership. Many of them disseminate pointless information or observations which serve no real purpose – tweets that describe their difficult journey thru airport security or posts which describe their frustrating experience sitting in traffic. This is fine for those with the time or desire to waste valuable seconds and minutes of their lives engaged in a useless activity.
I guess I’m just not that interested.
The problem here is that due to the multitude of people who will either read this rubbish or be exposed to it in some way, the authors of these frivolities will never be able to make a genuine suggestion or a candid comment about something of real importance, let alone something controversial. Their constituents simply possess too large a variation in background and beliefs. How many times has a public figure or famous individual hastily commented on a widely publicized and critical event and to their chagrin, been immediately chastised for it? Even amongst my meager collection of a few hundred friends, I would hesitate to advertise my opinion of something that truly mattered to me. The reality is that without a face-to-face conversation, I cannot be sure that my message was received exactly as I intended it to be.
Too often, we choose to rely on this dubious method of communication for things of importance. Once upon a time, when someone said something, it was expected that that was the way it was – honesty was normal and liars had no respect. You were responsible for telling others about yourself and they were responsible for listening.
You can write or say whatever you desire when there is no hard copy and no evidence which cannot be erased and deleted and edited later. It’s as easy as changing your mind.
From now on, I’ll give my word and my opinions to those who ask for it. After all, my word IS my bond.
Verdict
I sincerely hope that my musings about the popular world of social websites has not offended you. It is my intention here only to explain my imminent and indefinite leave of absence from social networking (at least in the personal sense) and my reasons for it. As you can see, I find many aspects of “socializing” in a digital manner to be silently destructive. I also find it corrupt.
Why? It is precisely the intention of so many of the people involved in this world – those who created it – to exploit our natural tendencies towards gossip, forming uniformed opinions, and (in most cases) unjustifiably judging one another in order to make a profit. Beneath all of its complimentary language, and self-flattering descriptions, social networking is primarily popular because of this exploitation. All things considered, it owes its longevity to this as well.
I cannot say however, that this world is useless. As one of my good friends would say, social networking is amazing… when it has a purpose. Every day, millions of people utilize specialized social websites in order to openly and intelligently discuss matters of importance: politics, local ordinances, and philosophy, new product launches, zoning laws, education, religion and so much more. There are social websites dedicated to empowering the individual consumer with information to be able to select the best companies for selected services. Some will tell you where to find the best food or the closest gallery of local art. Heck, some will even match your dog with a potential playmate. Again, the frequenters of these social websites are usually acquaintances at best (and internet-based acquaintances at that) and in many cases their published opinions may easily be misinterpreted. But at least in these cases, on websites dedicated to specific purposes, the conversations are deliberate and the information contained within them is desirable – these websites have a direction.
All of these are valuable – they express the ingenuity of their both their creators and their users. How wonderful is it that we live in a time where communication has become so advanced that we may all be able to easily and readily take part in something that interests us and that fulfills us in any way we desire? I will happily be a part of this form of socializing, one with a purpose, for as long as it exists. As for the other, I have decided to abstain.
For my friends:
I will continue to work on my personal blog. You can find it here. Also, I will be dedicating it to the pursuit of intellectual progress, for both myself and for you.
No longer will I waste time meandering through a world that I am not truly a part of – one in which the activities and opinions of my “friends” give me insight into things which I have no real ability to affect.
I guess I could solve all of these problems by deleting all but only my closest friends, carefully monitoring my thoughts, and attempting to rationally interpret all of the comments and opinions I come across. But would doing these things really increase the quality of the communication I engage in with those closest to me? Would I really be networking?
I believe networking should be conducted for business reasons, for career reasons, for personal growth reasons. The term “social” should involve a handshake, a hug, a laugh or two, a face-to-face glance, and a conversation. Even the most popular websites (the ones I have just spent most of my energy antagonizing) like facebook and Twitter do allow and can be utilized for one, but not the other.
What do you believe?
trehvoro 